Would I Lie To You? (Youtube Parody)
by Cong Huan Nguyen
Summary: The SAO characters have undiscovered secrets of them. But who will be able to guess it right? The idea was taken from this video: /a8HU8Wyuwwk Characters: Kirito, Asuna, Yuuki, Oberon, Heathcliff, Yuuki, Sachi. Contains adult languages and some not-too-safe-for-work content, but I did my best to minimize them. Enjoy.


**Yuuki:** Hello guys and welcome to "Would I Lie To You?"!

 **Asuna:** How this works is that each of us has a paper which concludes two lies and one truth about ourselves. I'm here with the S7O: Kirito-kun, Yuuki, Yui-chan, me, Oberon, Heathcliff and Sachi!

Our job is to find out which is the truth which are not.

Shameless plug here

 **Kirito:** You know where else we can get the truth?

 **Asuna:** _(playfully)_ Where, Kirito-kun?

 **Kirito:** In Sword Art Online Season 3!

( **Everyone:** WAAAAAAAAA!/WHOOOOOOOOOO!/YEAH!)

 **Oberon:** Yes, the major anime series you've all been waiting for is coming out this October. We are shooting the final frames and the atmosphere is in a big hurry. All information and updates will be on our SAO website, which you can check out in the description below. Hopefully we can all see you guys there and continuously seeing your amazing support throughout the season!

* * *

 **Kirito:** Alright, who wants to go first?

 **Yuuki:** _(Hotline Bling)_ / **Kirito:** Yuuki!

 **Yuuki:** I'll go first! So you just pick any random story?

 **Asuna:** No, read them all out. Read all 3.

 **Yuuki:** Oh! Okay. Alright!

 _ **I once saw my aunt cut off the head of a chicken, and the chicken ran around headless for 10 seconds.**_

 **S7O (SAO Seven - Everyone):** _(Humble) (Hmm… Okay)_

 **Yui:** Good old times back in your family _(everyone chuckles)_

 **Yuuki:** _**I have eaten a frog before.**_

 **Sachi:** _(laughs madly for no reason)_

 **Heathcliff:** _(nervous)_ She probably has!

 **Sachi:** You know what I mean there (continue to laugh)

 **Yuuki:** Finally, _**I once did a fake Memory Defrag account giveaway to get better equipment in Hollow Realization.**_

 **Sachi:** _(shocks)_ Oh-god! Oh my Konno!

 **Oberon:** My goodness…

 **Kirito:** Hold on Yuuki, I think you don't understand the game. Some of them are meant to be lies.

 _(Everyone laughs)_ Heathcliff: Pew pew pew XD

 **Yuuki:** That's the thing! All of them could be true, you know!

 **Yui:** I would not bet on the frog thing.

 **Sachi:** How does she-

 **Heathcliff:** Might be a pizza, she might eat a pizza ( **Sachi:** I was thinking that as well), but she wouldn't bite into it.

 **Oberon:** I don't think it's the frog as well.

 **Yui:** Yeah you know what I mean like, who in the world eats a frog?

 **Asuna:** But it's unexpected. Imagine!

 **Kirito:** It's just… weird.

 **Sachi:** But honestly tho, I would go for the giveaway.

 **Asuna:** So what are we saying? The giveaway?

 **Kirito:** No way did that happen

 **Yuuki:** You all forgot about the top one!

 **Everyone:** _(Agree)_ / **Asuna + Yui:** Yeah that's believable / **Kirito:** It's a bit creepy so… meh, 50/50

 **Sachi:** I don't know how you went through that creepy scene-

 **Yui:** Also it's like, I know there are weird things people eat, but why the heck would anyone eat a frog? Snails would be alright.

 **Sachi:** Some places in the world people eat frogs, I've read it somewhere.

 **Heathcliff:** But they're _(saying Yuuki's family)_ close to each other

 **Kirito:** See, it might be true; and the thing is I don't think people eat chicken much in here. Not in all of Japan; just in here.

 **Heathcliff:** So her family eats frogs instead of chicken?

 **Oberon:** I heard from Yuuki's mom that her family owns a farm tho.

 **Kirito:** _(_ _curious)_ But does she have an auntie? _(laughs)_

 **Yuuki:** _(Captain Obvious)_ Do I have an auntie?

 **Sachi:** Why not?

 **Yuuki:** Okay, do you want to get a little _(winks to camera)_ hint:

I do have an auntie, and the timeline is last year's Thanksgiving. I'm Christian!

 **Everyone:** Ohhhhhh / **Kirito:** _(snaps)_ Boom that's it!

 _Deciding time!_

 **Kirito:** What do you think?

 **Sachi:** MD.

 **Heathcliff:** I say… frog.

 **Asuna:** I think the chicken is true. / **Yuuki:** Oh boy!

 **Kirito:** I think the frog.

 **Oberon:** I'd go with the chicken.

 **Yui:** Chicken, I'd say.

 **Yuuki:** Okay so that's _**3 chicken, 2 frog and 1 giveaway**_. Alright then.

First story. Is _(emphasizing)_ nearly true. ( **Asuna:** Oh for god sake! / **Yui:** _(chrips in disappointment)_ Awww) I did see my aunt cut the head of a chicken but it stayed. It didn't move.

I haven't ever eaten a frog before. ( **Sachi:** _big smile_ ) Our local place doesn't have frogs. I have seen frogs, but not in the place I live.

 _(Sachi is now dancing in enjoyment)_

 **Kirito:** _(amazed and surprised)_ So you faked a Memory Defrag giveaway?!

 **Yuuki:** I- dud- _(excited)_ Honestly, let me tell you a story.

 **Everyone:** AAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY _(laughs and claps)_

 **Sachi:** Oh am I ready for this!

 **Yuuki:** So this was back when I was 15, literally 2 years ago- I swear this is true by the way, my HR account was so weak it only has like B-Class weapons and such. I'm not a pay-to-win either. And look at everyone else, especially Kirito who has a mad inventory, I was so jealous!

So, what I've done, is making an agreement with Heathcliff. At that time SAO:MD just released a crazy scouting pack including 5* event characters, and he had pretty much all of them ( **Everyone:** Woooooooooww). I borrowed his account, then paid a photographer to photoshopped the screenshots and videos; I asked him to make the name gold because, I then made a video on my Twitter saying I want to give away my SAO MD account - which is an exclusive account to SAO members, hence why it has the gold name. ( **Everyone:** Oh lord… - _Heathcliff giggles madly while Yui is facepalming_ )

I said on it like: _"I want you guys to send me an A-Class equipment or higher to my Hollow Realization account, write down your SAO MD or SAO HR username, your Twitter address, and a random number between 1 and 1,000,000 to enter the giveaway."_ I was recording myself using my phone and the photoshopped video, so no one could tell I was fake them.

 _(S7O squad laughs again; Sachi is the loudest)_

I gave our fans 20 days, but had to announce a quick stop on the 15th, because I got so much stuff that my inventory was already full no matter how much I tried to increase it, I still had like hundreds of offers.

 **Kirito:** Hold on. So what did Heathcliff do other than giving his account?

 **Yuuki:** That's the best part. When it got to the time that I had to announce the winner, beforehand I told Heathcliff to send his stuff to enter, he helped me to set up a two-monitor PC. I then prepared for the livestream, both monitors had a number/name generator, but I edited the second one into the first one, so that the viewers can still see their information and hope they could get some chance at winning, but I myself rigged the results ( **Everyone:** shock; **Kirito:** Ohhhh myyyyy), so that no matter how many times I generated the table, Heathcliff would always be the winner.

 **Asuna:** Oh my gosh…

 **Yuuki:** After numerous tests, I started the stream, I even showed everyone the normal generation, so no one could say I rigged anything. I then made the excuse that I need to add enough members, then switched to the rigged table. So just like that, Heathcliff won his own SAO:MD account. I even acted to be surprised as well.

 **Everyone:** Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus _(Heathcliff, Oberon and Asuna headpalms)_

 **Sachi:** Is the video and livestream still on your media accs?

 **Yuuki:** No, I deleted them soon afterwards. And also the photographer, I told him to enter and then tweeted out saying he didn't win but it was fun nonetheless.

 **Kirito:** _(tease)_ So now whenever you guys play anything and go "How do I get better stuff?" _(Everyone laughs and points to Yuuki)_

 **Yuuki:** It was a long time ago and someone actually exposed me as well. I did a proper giveaway with multiple winners a while later to make up for it.

 **Sachi:** I still can't believe I actually got it.

* * *

 **Asuna:** Okay Sachi, your turn!

 **Sachi:** Here it is. (Ehem!) / **Kirito:** You got problems reading? _(some laughs)_

 **Sachi:** _(giggles)_ Fuck you Kirito-kun. _(more laughs)_ / **Kirito:** You wrote that? / **Sachi:** NO! Shoot!

 _ **I once gave a boy a crystal snowball from a Christmas souvenir shop in hope that he would like it and fancy me.**_ _(gigs somewhere)_

 **Oberon:** Wrong, she has Kirito.

 **Sachi:** _**I'm allergic to bananas.**_ _(short WTF look from everyone)_

 **Yuuki & Kirito:** _(laughs)_ / **Oberon:** Rah, it's wrong in how you say it already.

 **Kirito:** I can already tell it's a lie.

 **Sachi: _I've been through a death experience._**

 **Yui:** I think it's the first one.

 **Asuna:** Yeah, the first one for me too!

 **Kirito:** We have to clear something up. What experience did you get?

 **Heathcliff:** Is it in your dream or you actually got it?

 **Sachi:** It was a sleep paralysis. I was falling 20 feet off the ground from an airplane crash. Then just as I was about to hit the ground and get crushed, I screamed and woked up my entire family.

 **Yuuki:** Oh damn. That must've hit you hard.

 **Heathcliff:** Was your neighbor get waked as well?

 **Sachi:** Yep.

 **Yuuki:** Aahhh _(Thinking)_ It might be true. It's a terrified experience.

 **Asuna:** I still think the first one is true. / **Oberon:** I second Asuna. / **Kirito:** First one. / **Yui:** It's the first one, right?

 **Sachi:** **(smiles and nods)** / **Everyone:** Yaaaaaayyyyyy!

 **Asuna:** Oioioi Sachi, what's his name?

 **Sachi:** God, I was like 7 when it happened!

 **Kirito:** What's his name? / **Sachi:** I don't know! / **Asuna:** You bought a crystal snowball when you were seven!?

 **Sachi:** No, 'cuz I was meant to like- ( **Kirito:** Big move there!) _(high five)_ Yeah yeah. But, you know when Christmas comes _(fist bumps Kirito)_ and they have like souvenir shops everywhere. I was going out with my parents and found a crystal snowball; it's not that big, only small like your palm. ( **Everyone:** Okay/Yeah?) I thought it was really cool, so I asked them to get one for me and gave it to my classmate, hoping he would like me.

 **Kirito:** Did it work?

 **Sachi:** Nah, I was too shy to give him and later on asked my friend to give him, which is a girl.

 **Asuna:** _(Pffft)_ / **Heathcliff:** Oh good grief. Wait, you didn't write that in your story?

 **Oberon:** It's actually just tragic _(chortle - facepalm)_

 **Sachi:** Oh no, it's not just tragic, it was 2 days away from his birthday as well. _(Everyone snickers)_

* * *

 **Kirito:** _(sees and points to Heathcliff's paper)_ Oi, Kayaba's written BARE pieces / **Asuna:** Heathcliff wrote a full paragraph. Like come on man, you're in the 30s! / **Oberon:** Dude, calm you tits, you're not going for president! Jesus Christ…

 **Heathcliff:** It's just my story, a bit long but I'll tell.

Here it is, the first one _(Kirito acting like he's falling asleep)_

 **Oberon:** _(looks at Kirito)_ Yeah you know what I mean _(cackles)_

 **Asuna:** _(play along by waking him)_ Hey hey hey… _(winks at Kirito and Oberon)_ / **Oberon & Kirito:** _(whisper)_ ok ok, got it ;)

 **Heathcliff:** Okay you ready? First one.

When I was in secondary-

 **Asuna, Kirito, Oberon:** BRUH _(sprawl under the sofa and act to fall asleep) (snores)_

 **Heathcliff:** Everyone fell asleep!

 **Yuuki:** The…?

 **Yui:** _(giggles)_

 **Heathcliff:** They fell asleep!

 **Yuuki:** Oh. _(The trio laughing whilst getting back to their seats)_

 **Sachi:** I joined the bant late, so I was like _(lies down the sofa with her lower body on the ground) (Everyone laughs)_

 **Heathcliff:**

 _ **So when I was in secondary, after a biology lesson, my wife - at that time - was on her period, then it happened, I saw blood under her pantsu, but I didn't know what it was.**_ ( **Kirito:** I hope this is true _ **) So I sat on her desk laughing, and I laughed so much**_ ( **Asuna:** That you peed yourself?) _**that she stopped talking to me and threatened to break up with me**_ _._

 **Sachi:** (Burst out laughing) / **Everyone:** Ahhhh (snickers)

 **Heathcliff:** _**When I was small, in our area - the area I was living at that time - there was this group with 4 - 5 people which we called "Black Hood Gang"**_ _(giggles)_ _ **. They rode on bicycles, always wore black hoodies, they went around where I lived and delivered newspapers for a living. They lived 5 miles from Aokigahara Forest, like- they rent a house and lived there, all of them in the same house; and one day they disappeared, and we never saw them again.**_

 **Kirito:** Why did they disappear? / **Asuna:** Black Hood Gang?

 **Heathcliff:** I and a few more kids asked and someone said they moved to another place.

 **Sachi:** I don't know if this is true or not, but the fact that you said they lived near that forest had me goosebumps.

 **Asuna:** Literally, I despise anything relates to it. Anything.

 **Heathcliff:** _**When I was in the USA 10 years ago for IT education, in one of my classes, I played Sad Trombone when the teacher was announcing the recent test result, the whole class was laughing so much that there was a guy peed himself,**_ _(giggles from everyone)_ _ **, but also in that day, the headmaster of that school called me in - nothing too serious, we just had a chat - because that teacher thought my act was unacceptable and disrespectful.**_

 **Kirito:** _(holding his head)_ Bro, you wrote all of that crazy-

 **Yuuki:** Yeah, that's what I thought - he could just tell it!

 **Heathcliff:** But I would wrote it down anyway _(everyone snickers)_ , hence why I wrote the whole thing!

 **Kirito:** So far you've been the hardest to get until now, I still can't figure if there's some truth in them

 **Yuuki:** I think it can't be the second one. You were a kid when that happened, surely hoodies were not a thing in Japan.

 **Asuna:** You'd be surprised, Yuuki, you'd be surprised. Maybe.

 **Oberon:** Heads up - I think it's the first one.

 **Kirito:** There's a high chance that it could be the first or third because, it actually involves real life scenarios.

 **Yuuki:** Agreed, the first one has his wife on period, the third has his friend peed himself, it could all happen.

 **Kirito:** So what do you guys say?

 **Yuuki:** 1\. / **Sachi:** I'm going 3! / **Asuna:** 1\. / **Kirito:** 1\. / **Oberon:** 1\. / **Yui:** 2\. ( **Yuuki:** Wooop!)

 **Asuna:** It's 2 isn't it?

 **Heathcliff:** It's 2!

 **Asuna:** I KNEW IT! FUCK! / **Everyone:** _(shock)_ Ohh myy! _(Yui's "How did I get it right?" face)_ Wow!

 **Heathcliff:** Believe it or not, in my area actually had a group like that. And the true parts are: There was a girl had a period in ( **Kirito:** After) after biology lesson-

 **Asuna:** It wasn't your wife.

 **Heathcliff:** It wasn't my wife. ( **Oberon:** Yeah. / **Asuna:** Dang it!) And the third one: I did play the Sad Trombone and everyone else was laughing.

 **Kirito:** It's the teacher.

 **Heathcliff:** Right. The teacher just laughed along with us. ( **Sachi:** Argh!)

 **Kirito:** Ah those are SO close to be true, man!

 **Yuuki:** They're pretty much ALL true.

 **Sachi:** Speaking about that, we should create gangs in SAO. We would be SAO Seven…

 **Heathcliff:** Business Gang.

 **Kirito:** ALO Gang, Marry Gang, …

 **Sachi:** Try to think about a similarity between our appearances.

 **Kirito:** Harem Gang _(chuckles)_

…

 **Yui:** We've already got Yuuki Gang _(laughs)_

 **Everyone:** _(Laughs)_ / **Kirito:** _(shock)_ Owwwhhh xD / **Sachi:** Yui, have mercy xD I've been laughing so much

* * *

 **Asuna:** It's my turn now. / **Kirito:** Go for it! / **Yui:** Go Mommy!

 **Asuna:** _**I once gave a boy a shoe box with nothing in it but a note for a Boy's Day present.**_

 **Heathcliff:** Did the note say anything?

 **Asuna:** Yeah- of course the note said something! It's a note, not just a piece of paper!

Second one, _**I haven't had a Christmas party since I was 9**_ …

 **Yuuki:** _(Disbelief)_ What?! If that's true _(Asuna laughs)_ I'd be so sad…

 **Kirito:** I kind of hope this is true

 **Asuna:** And the last one: _**I once got in trouble for kissing Kirito-kun in front of my friends in lunchtime.**_

 **Oberon:** Where did you kiss him?

 **Asuna:** Under a tree, in lunchtime. I saw food on his chin so…

 **Yuuki:** _(Decisive)_ No. That is a lie. ( **Kirito:** That's a lie) Because maybe you did kiss him, but it was in lunchtime. The worst you can get is being teased day by day.

 **Asuna:** No, there are kinds of people that bad and jealous.

 **Oberon:** _(between the conversation)_ I think it's the second one.

 **Yuuki:** Wha? The Christmas? / **Asuna:** You think the Christmas is true?

 **Kirito:** I agree with Oberon.

 **Heathcliff:** What's the first one? The shoe-

 **Asuna:** The shoe box and a note.

 **Kirito:** Wait, where were we when Christmas…

 **Heathcliff:** We don't celebrate Christmas at school as a party. / **Sachi:** Oh snap!

 **Sachi & Kirito:** I'd go with the Christmas one.

 **Asuna:** You think the Christmas?

 **Sachi:** Yeah, I'd feel so bad for you if that was real. / **Yuuki:** (to Sachi) So we'd agree on the Christmas?

 **Heathcliff:** I'll guess the Christmas as well.

 **Yui:** I'll go for the first one. / **Kirito:** The shoe box? / **Yui:** Yes.

 **Heathcliff:** You don't have to give away gifts!

 **Kirito:** I know, but she gave a note! _(cackles from the boys)_ Last Christmas she gave me a hug!

 **Sachi:** Final guess. Christmas party.

 **Kirito:** I'd go with the Christmas, too. / **Oberon:** Yeah, Christmas. / **Heathcliff & Yuuki:** Christmas one.

 **Asuna:** So Yui-chan goes for the shoe box? / Yui: _(nods)_

 **Asuna:** Okay.

 _(points to Yui)_ It's the shoe box, Yui-chan!

 **Yui:** _("Yes!" posture)_ / Everyone: Woaaahhhhhhh!

 **Asuna:** Right, hear me out, hear me out!

So, this was back in the primary days. My family was always busy for work, they never got a chance to take me. I was like: "Mom, Dad, please buy me a present so I can give the boys in Boy's Day!". They could only drop out very late in the final day and they said: "We tried, but all stores are shut." So I was like "What the fuck do I do now?" _(Yui snickers)_

I didn't want to turn up with nothing! I didn't want to let them down.

So I wrapped up a little shoe box with a note inside saying _(pain-inside smile)_

" _ **I owe you"**_ _(giggles)_

 **Yuuki:** Oh my god XD / **Asuna:** I did get him a present after! I promise!

 **Heathcliff:** Who is that for?

 **Asuna:** A boy in Boy's Day! I was so young back then, I don't remember.

Honestly, I couldn't watch him open the box, I had to look away.

 **Yuuki:** So afterwards did you give him what you owe or-

 **Asuna:** GOD, it was the Boy's Day! Are you mad?

 **Kirito:** She handed a shoe box, she would gave him shoes! _(Asuna laughs)_

 **Yui:** But I believe the Christmas is kind of true.

 **Asuna:** Yeah, Christmas thing, Yui-chan… _(sighs)_ I haven't had a Christmas party in a WHILE. Maybe 4 years ago or something, I don't fully remember.

* * *

 **Kirito:** So!

 _ **I kissed my uncle while I was in America.**_

 **Asuna:** _(Pfft)_ / **Heathcliff:** Oh boy / **Yuuki:** Jesus Christ.

 **Heathcliff:** Oi if that's true, you need to reconsider your gender, my man! _(Yui smirks)_

 **Yuuki:** You can sell that story, dude. _(Asuna and Oberon laughs)_

 **Sachi:** You need to thank God that your uncle isn't Earl Bradley. ( **Yui:** _Guffaws with laughter_ )

 **Kirito:** A bird shat on my head on my way to my final term IELTS exam.

 **Yuuki:** Ooh. / **Heathcliff:** Ooooohhh / **Yuuki:** I can buy that.

 **Sachi:** I remember someone was playing basketball around our school and he got DUNKED in. ( **Oberon:** Good pun)

 **Heathcliff:** But that's good luck maybe.

 **Sachi:** Nope. No.

 **Kirito:** I've heard that's good luck, I've read that's good luck, ( **Asuna:** I've heard that's good) but still. You got shat on the head.

 **Heathcliff:** But what did you get in that final exam?

 **Kirito:** _(Calm, convincing, like a boss)_ **6.5**. _(Asuna laughs while pointing at him)_ _(Kirito smiles) (Heathcliff smiles towards Yuuki like "My boy.")_

 **Kirito:** _**I was in a band called Pinky Blondes.**_

 **Asuna:** Pfffffftt HAHAHAHAHAH _(Oberon, Sachi, Asuna facepalm; Yui is shock)_

 **Yuuki:** Oh boy.

What did you play?

 **Sachi:** _(recovers)_ The pink blondes xD

 **S7O:** _(dies laughing) (Asuna and Oberon claps) (Yui and Kirito drop dead)_

 **Heathcliff:** Fuck sake.

 **Kirito:** We never had a live show, but I was learning drums at that moment.

 **Yui:** See, I think Daddy might be in a band, but I don't think that was a name.

 **Heathcliff:** I can tell Kirito has never joined a band before.

 **Sachi:** If it was Asuna I would buy it.

 **Yui:** I still think the band-

 **Kirito:** I can tell you this.

There is NO truth in two of them.

 **Sachi:** Oh, no truth!

 **Heathcliff:** I'd be more on the shat side-

 **Oberon:** Wait wait wait wait. Uncle?

 **Kirito:** I have a neighbor who has family there.

 **Oberon:** Can we say where? You kissed?

 **Asuna:** The US? _(Kirito slowly gets it and laughs; consecutive laughs from Sachi, Heathcliff and Oberon)_

 **Oberon:** Where? / **Kirito:** There. The left lower cheek. / **Oberon:** Ooooohhhhkay.

 **Asuna:** _(gasp)_ I feel like that's true now.

 **Sachi:** It has to be true. It's 100% true. You definitely kissed someone before Asuna.

 **Asuna:** American-Japanese uncle. That's about right.

 **Oberon:** Nah, it wouldn't be the kiss because- ( **Heathcliff:** It's-) it's between men. No one would kiss on the cheek like that.

 **Asuna:** There's still a possibility!

 **Heathcliff:** It can still happen.

 **Kirito:** So?

 **Yuuki:** I'm going with the bird poo.

 **Sachi:** Uncle. / **Heathcliff:** Uncle. / **Asuna:** Uncle. / **Oberon:** Uncle. / **Yui:** Band.

 **Kirito:** Okay.

It was the uncle kiss.

 _ **The four:**_ YEAHHHHHHH! ( **Asuna:** Come on! - _proceeds to high five Oberon, then Sachi) (Heathcliff fails the high five)_

 **Sachi:** Why would you do that?

 **Kirito:** My parents did bring me to America once when I was 5. They worked there for a while.

 **Oberon:** When you said in America and then "before Asuna" as well I thought "Surely"

 **Asuna:** I feel like I've seen that before.

 **Kirito:** No, that was the picture I got kissed by Klein.

 **Heathcliff:** So who got shat on?

 **Kirito:** It was Leafa, or Suguha. My sister.

 **Oberon:** Oh goodness! / **Asuna:** Oh yeah, I remember that.

 **Kirito:** I got shat on… well, on my nose, in Numazu in a family vacation.

 **Sachi:** Oh good shit. _(prouds)_

 **Kirito:** Leafa got _(Asuna burst out laughing while she and Heathcliff look at Sachi like "The hell?")_ shat on, her foot. It was her newly bought shoes. She was really disgusted and then I went "Uueeeeeeeeeyyyyy-" and it dropped on my nose. Leafa was died laughing.

 **Asuna:** Yep. _(laughs)_ I remember. My family was going with his.

 **Kirito:** So yeah! And just to clear things up, there is no… no such band as, a freaking-

 **Oberon & Sachi:** _(Cackles)_ Pinky Blondes XD

 **Kirito:** There was never a thing called Pinky Blondes _(crumples paper)_ hey that's a banging line! _(Asuna laughs)_

* * *

 **Oberon:** There's me now. Alright.

 _ **I'm allergic to honey and vanilla.**_

 **Kirito:** _(straight up)_ Lies. / **Yuuki:** That's BbbbbbbbbbbbS. / **Sachi:** That's a lie.

 **Oberon:** _ **My**_ _**family was killed when I was less than a year old.**_

 **Everyone:** _(shock jumps)_ WHAT THE-

 **Asuna:** OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI, this is meant to be fun and relaxing, man! You took this WAY TOO FUCKING DEEP! _(laughs in terror)_ / **Kirito:** What the fuck, my dude?

 **Yui:** _(Holds head and scared)_

 **Yuuki:** I'm starting to imagine if this is true…

 **Heathcliff:** _(flashbacks)_ No wonder he acted so well in ALFheim Online…

 **Sachi:** I swear to god Sugou IwillgiveyouanythingjustPLEASETELLMEIT'SALIE!

 **Oberon:** _**I kissed a SAO girl on the lips.**_

 **Everyone:** OOOHHHHH / **Yuuki:** That's believable

 **Kirito:** Wait. Important question: Which lips?

 **Oberon:** _(silence)_ HAHAHAHAHAHA _(Asuna burst out mad) (Kirito laughs along)_

 _(points to the edge of the lips)_

 **Kirito:** _(Burst laughing)_

 **Sachi:** You're weird bro. Bare weird.

 **Kirito:** NAH, if he tells this one _(points to the first)_ is true, then he is lying ( **Oberon:** _"You think so bro?" face_ )

 **Sachi:** He lies to himself! Like- / **Kirito:** Yeah, Oberon's the type of guy that would lie to himself and then decline it. Maybe he doesn't like honey and vanilla, but he just says it so he doesn't have to eat it - the same way I go to certain places and say with pumpkins. ( **Asuna:** Yeah yeah)

 **Sachi:** You say it 'cuz you don't like them. / **Kirito:** He's allergic to blood pudding and that's it.

 **Kirito:** I'm calling it. He kissed a SAO girl.

 **Yuuki:** I don't think he's done that. Maybe it's the allergic but again, I think- he thinks it's allergic but it's not allergic _(Everyone laughs)_

 **Oberon:** Top English skill there, Yuuki!

 **Sachi:** He definitely kissed someone from us.

 **Heathcliff:** He kissed a SAO girl, yeah.

 **Asuna:** SAO girl, too.

 **Kirito:** It has to be the SAO girl. And wait; you have to say who you kissed as well. / **Oberon:** yeah yeah, I'll add that in my answer

 **Yui:** Just because I don't want to be repetitive, I'm saying the allergic one _(nervous laugh)_ I can't stand your family's death…

 **Oberon:** _(breathes in)_

 _(drops paper and sighs)_ I've kissed Yui on the lips.

 **Everyone:** WHOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA _(Yui covers her face while smiling embarrassedly)_ ( **Oberon:** banter laugh)

 _(same time)_ **Kirito & Asuna:** AHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH _(pretend to be terrified and jump away from Oberon, laughing)_

How could you do this to our daughter?! XD

 **Sachi:** Why man?! XD

 **Oberon:** Now, now- Let me explain / **Yuuki:** Never jokes to me again about having sexual mommy relationship with Asuna-san. LEGITIMATELY

 **Heathcliff:** I just glad that you're parents are not dead, man.

 **Oberon:** Thanks bro. They're pretty high in ages now.

But going back to that story, I hadn't met Yui in a long time. And she jokingly asked to kiss me. I was very confused. That was it.

 **Kirito:** She baited you into jail?

 **Oberon:** No- _(gets it)_ MAN _(laughs along with Asuna)_

 _(Yui covers her face the whole time, yet she still laughs out)_

 **Oberon:** So I did as her said. She even giggled as well; and then we both realized this is kind of weird and wrong.

 **Kirito:** How long did it take you to figure it out?

 **Oberon:** _(chortles)_ / **Yuuki:** How long?

 **Oberon:** (do the "zip your mouth" with both hands) No comment xD _(Asuna bursts out laughing_ ; **Yui:** Please Sugou… Have mercy)

 **Sachi:** Let me guess-

 **Heathcliff:** I bet around 6 months. ( **Kirito:** _Bursts out laughing with Heathcliff_ , _Oberon facepalms and "Wtf have I done" face_ )

 **Sachi:** It took a while. It definitely took a while.

 **Oberon:** _(recovering from getting abs)_ That's it _(does the pose and laughs again)_

 **Kirito:** So, she asked you first, right? Not you doing it first?

 **Oberon:** Yeah… / **Kirito:** Okay.

 **Heathcliff:** Did you guys do anything after?

 _(slience)_

 **Oberon:** _(points at Heathcliff and laughs)_ You weirdo XD _(Asuna laughs along)_

 **Kirito:** Oh and by the way, what is with the parent killings?

 **Oberon:** I read a fanfiction quite a time ago about how I got raised by the Yakuzas - bad Yakuzas - after they kill my parents, right at the first chapter.

 **Heathcliff:** Okay… Now we understand. For real, you had us in shock for a moment there.

* * *

 **Sachi:** Only Yui is left right? ( **Everyone:** Yeah) I feel like her story will be the most innocent. / **Asuna:** Just don't poison her with all your thoughts and it's fine xD

 **Yui:** Okay, so mine are:

 ** _I once got crushed under a seesaw._**

 **Everyone:** Pffft _(Asuna drops down)_ _(Oberon dies laughing and tries to gets on top of Yui)_

 **Yui:** _(got crushed)_ Ow- what- why? Why- and now I'm getting crushed by Sugou as well _(tries to get out while Oberon is laughing)_

 _ **I played as Charlie Chaplin in one of my school act.**_ ( **Everyone:** Oh god xD)

And finally, _**I once took a shower whilst sleep walking.**_

 **Kirito:** I feel like Yui said that a while ago.

Is there any truth in any of them, Yui? ( **Heathcliff:** The sleepwalk?) In the others?

 **Yui:** Well, they both have elements of truth in them.

 **Asuna:** Wha- _(disappointed)_ I swear everyone just-

 **Kirito:** You guys don't understand the game!

 **Sachi:** I know right? JUST LIES! Did you not hear my two other bollocks?

 **Kirito:** Yeah same! _(Sachi laughs)_ Pinky Blondes?!

 **Yui:** A person lies with truth in them is a good liar because no one knows he is lying.

 **Kirito:** 'Cause you're not lying, Yui!

 **Oberon:** I think she got crushed by a seesaw. _(Yuuki approves)_

 **Asuna:** I'd buy it more on the act. We all had plays in kindergarten.

 **Kirito:** Wait, about the shower one, Yui: Did you take your clothes off?

 **Yui:** I pulled everything out but somehow forgot the pantsu.

 **Heathcliff:** I don't remember Yui having a sleepwalk that young. / **Kirito:** I feel like she said it once.

But again, like Heathcliff, a girl that young is not likely to have sleep-walking paralysis…

 **Kirito:** Yuuki, what do you go with?

 **Yuuki:** I'm going with crushed under a seesaw.

 **Sachi:** Crushed. / **Heathcliff:** Crushed. / **Asuna:** Charlie. / **Kirito:** Sleep shower. / **Oberon:** Crushed.

 **Yui:** Ok, the final one…

I got crushed.

 **Sachi, Yuuki, Heathcliff, Oberon:** YEAAAAHHHHH ( **Sachi:** Boom! / **Oberon:** I knew it!)

 _(at the same time)_ **Kirito:** Ahhhh….. / **Asuna:** DAMN IT! _(throws her hairclip and makes a mess of her hair) (proceeds to pick it up and redo her hair)_

 **Yui:** Like- I'm not that retarded to get into trouble myself!

So what happened was, we were on a school picnic and they have a night walk thing ( **Heathcliff:** Wait-) I know what you mean, we had adults going with us. We were blindfolded and moved around the forest with the help of other friends and a guide. _(Everyone cackles)_ I know that sounds messed up since we were all very young, right?

But anyway ( **Kirito:** And you started up this story with "I'm not retarded") Dad, everyone did it! One of the activities on summer picnic.

 **Sachi:** So how did you go from that to getting crushed by a seesaw? _(chortles)_

 **Yui:** Here, I'll explain. We had to go through multiple obstacles, including a little seesaw where we walked up one side and then went down the other and carry on. But I kinda fell off the second side of the seesaw-

 **Sachi:** And then someone else stepped on it?

 **Yui:** -and I somehow rolled under it, back to the first side. _(Sachi laughs)_ Then someone else started walking over that side, and it just _(does the hand smash)_

Like- wha? How did-?!

 **Sachi:** You just got streaked. / **Yuuki:** Back in the day where safety for kids wasn't a big deal.

 **Yui:** Haha, not wrong either. And so, what really happened was: I played as Cinderella at school ( **Asuna** : Dang! I forgot Yui-chan doesn't fit with character styles like Chaplin / **Oberon:** Ahh, good old Cinder); and~ I used to sleep walking but I never took a shower when I was at it.

* * *

 **Heathcliff:** Alright / **Yuuki:** Whoo~

 **Oberon:** I think after this we all need to have a medical check for our tummy.

 **Asuna:** Gosh… I got abs from laughing too much.

 **Sachi:** Yeah, same.

 _(Outro)_

 **Yuuki:** You know who the real winner is?

 **S7O:** Who?

 **Yuuki:** All the people that watch SAO Season 3 this October!

 _(Pleasure laughs and claps from everyone)_

 **Kirito:** And that, that is a TRUTH! _(laughs again)_

 _(End of video)_


End file.
